Docking

by Bethlehem Steel

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1.
i'm sitting in my room looking at pictures of sixteen i've gotten pretty good at crying in public without anyone noticing me why am i the one held together while everyone around me can scream? i tried to rip out my eyes to give them to those who can't see i wanted to console her i was feeling nothing at all i wanted to be there to hold her i want to put her head through a wall i woke up feeling empty and sad when i realized i was sleeping in his old bed but i'll put in my insides and feel fine, i guess there are spaced inside me once held by my dead friends i hate how they feel
2.
87s 02:28
i'm fine with struggling we aged five years that night and i'm drinking to fill the hole in my chest i'm losing at sober while i'm thinking of david i set myself on fire for a clean slate i wanna carve your name into everybody's heads while i'm brooding and not afraid to use my hands don't want to be an empty mess wanna see all my friends at their best and every night i wanna see them all alright don't surrender your own rights to burn i wanna carve your name into everybody's heads while i'm brooding and not afraid to use my hands i'm not afraid to use my hands
3.
grounds still awake but covered in my body branches had to fake it to start the decomposing be grateful you could fall at all that nothing was removed to become better than yourself i'm fine i didn't want to die alone you were right everyone still dies alone you said that we're all made of light and i know someday your colors fade into mine those days i feel better then i know this will be worth it then whats the longest you heard silence? bet you hated it were you already looking to better friends? the way you're always looking for betterment i'm fine i didn't want to die alone you were right everyone still dies alone
4.
all my friends have a place to write broken feet and sheets for walls thats cool right? i can't seem to figure out how to follow my insides unsettle down with teeth clenched tight my teeth clench tight i saw my life pass i saw my life passing i miss myself in the old days i'm just trying to find a way that i can let go drinking cold wine on the shower floor we use to do this then go out and become something more you could never know me not in stranger city i saw my life pass i saw our lives passing
5.
i know what comes with losing i've been dying more slowly you said you'll never be anything i believe in what comes to me, i guess hey, wake up you're only waiting time there's a hole in your life you pretend to dig it i know you're type there's a note on my bedroom wall that says remain alone until no longer possible i will move beautifully for someone when i'm ready in paleness if i could breathe under water i would stay there forever to feel something if nothing hurts then i'm failing hey, wake up you're only wasting time there's a hole in your life you pretend to dig it i know your type

credits

released November 6, 2015

Written by Bethlehem Steel
Recorded by Bethlehem Steel and Nick Corbo
Mixed by Mike Ditrio
Mastered by RJ Gordon
Album art by Dylan England

Thank you to Miscreant Records, Shea Stadium and David Blaine's The Steakhouse

Purchase limited cassette here: miscreantrecords.bandcamp.com/album/docking

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Bethlehem Steel Brooklyn, New York

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